New relationships can bring out the best in people. The rush of that first kiss, a romantic gesture and the comfort of that first evening cuddling on the couch. Unfortunately, relationships can also bring out the inner crazy girl.
What begins as a whirlwind of romance can end just as quickly in tears and changed numbers.The repeat trauma of destructive relationship patterns can result in a cycle of dramatic relationships. Through it all, let's not forget the person on the receiving end of radical relationship behaviors, who is just as traumatized and hurt.
The key to reform these bad girl behaviors is to admit you have them. Identify the behaviors that keep the cycle of drama flowing and find tools to overcome destructive relationship patterns.
The Crazy Girl Relationship Pattern
It is not too difficult to identify harmful relationship patterns in oneself or others. Here are some general warning flags a relationship is caught in a crazy girl pattern.
- She breaks off the relationship early on, but asks for another chance.
- She is demanding of time and attention and becomes upset if her demands are not met in a timely manner.
- She is needy or constantly emotional. Every life obstacle is monumental.
- She is co-dependent.
- She frequently attacks personal character, displays abusive behavior patterns and does not respect basic relationship boundaries.
Note: Emotional and physical abuse are never okay in any relationship. Call the Domestic Violence Hotline for help.
Identify Crazy Girl Habits
Crazy girls rarely intend to participate in destructive relationship patterns. In fact, outside a relationship, she could be the most caring, kind, compassionate, intelligent, independent, honest, trustworthy, generous, funny, affable and together person around.
However, no matter the reason for harmful habits, identifying them is the first step to reform the inner crazy girl:
- Create a journal cataloging recent relationships. How long did they last? How did they end? What was the catalyst for the end of the relationship? If a relationship ended dramatically, hat steps could have created a peaceful separation?
- Identify common themes to relationship breakups. Was there unreasonable demands of time and attention? What about disparaging comments or personal attacks? Was there a strong push for emotional or physical intimacy too soon?
- Did double-standards apply in the relationship? What was acceptable behavior for one person was not okay for the other?
Take some time to assess past relationships. For each dramatic ending or crazy girl behavior pattern, revise the scenario to reflect a healthy relationship pattern rooted in mutual trust, respect and kindness.
Reform the Inner Crazy Girl
Everyone needs a little help sometimes so do not be afraid to ask. Friends, family and counselors are a great starting point to overcome destructive relationship patterns.
- Focus on friendships instead of relationships
- Develop an active social life
- Take time to heal from past relationships
- Identify why these destructive relationship patterns resurface
- Resolve harmful habits with the help of family, friends and counselors
- Take new relationships slowly
- Find a friend to be a relationship buddy to listen to fears or worries as a new relationship develops
- Review past relationship journals often as a reminder of unhealthy behavior
Kaneisha Grayson, self-proclaimed reformed crazy girl, author and founder of CrazyGirl Nation: Advice For Women Who Have It All But Sometimes Lose It and Kaneisha, write that women can fall into destructive relationship patterns when their inner intentions do not match their outer actions. For instance, living outwardly as an independent, fulfilled woman, but believing on the inside that a romantic relationship is the only way to happiness.
She writes, "We must be confident, ambitious, fulfilled women both in our actions and in our thoughts."
Moving Past Crazy to True Love
Destructive relationship patterns can keep women from the fulfilling long lasting and loving relationships they deserve. As destructive relationship patterns give way to healthy ones, keep the following to heart:
- Apologize: A genuine apology can go a long way. But, do not expect an apology to mend broken hearts or hurt feelings. Ask what action can be taken to make amends and accept that letting the relationship go may be the requested action.
- Practice Self-Forgiveness: The truth is the person on the receiving end of crazy girl behavior may not be able to forgive or forget the trauma and drama. Don't let the past dictate the future. Practice self-forgiveness, but with a focus on resolving destructive relationship patterns.
- Take it Slow: True love, trust, friendship and companionship develop over time. Let love take an organic and natural course. Even if a relationship does not last, be proud of ending a relationship in a healthy way.
Crazy girl behavior is a destructive relationship habit that can keep women from finding lasting and true love.
If these patterns seem familiar it could be time to explore why and replace crazy girl habits with healthy relationships.
