Long lasting female friendships are hard to come by these days. Work schedules, family obligations and long distances are all obstacles to nurturing female friendships. Roger and Sally Horchow's book The Art of Friendship: 70 Simple Rules for Making Meaningful Connections (Quirk Packaging Book 2007) write, "The foundation for a meaningful friendship, one that is based on mutual respect and caring, starts the moment you meet someone." The following friendship rules can help improve your gal pal connections.
The Friendship Rules
Rule #1: Make Time for Friends
In The Friendship Crisis (Rodale 2004), Marla Paul observes that gals today have very little free time. The solution is to make your friends a priority. Try the following activities:
- Plan a once per week coffee date after work.
- Meet up for a monthly interest group.
- Go on a girlfriend's only getaway.
- Include your girlfriend in your daily routines.
Rule #2: Be the Friend You Want
Here's a tip, be a good friend to have a good friend. If your girlfriends aren't calling anymore, maybe you have developed bad friendship behaviors.
- You are a flake.
- You only talk about yourself.
- You take advantage of your girlfriends.
Rule #3: Reconciling Disagreements and Friendship Ruts
There will come a time when you and your gal pal will disagree. It could be a small issue, like where to go for lunch, or it could be major, like childrearing practices. But disagreements don't have to mean the end of a friendship.
- Agree to disagree.
- Just let it go.
- Put yourself in her shoes.
- Set boundaries.
Just like disagreements, ruts happen too. Have the two of you run out of things to say? A simple recharge might do the trick:
- Spend some time apart.
- Widen your circle of friends
- Try a new activity together
Rule #4: Recognize a Toxic Friendship
According to the article How to Handle Toxic Friends (CBS News 2006) Heather Hatfield says, "A toxic friendship is unsupportive, draining, unrewarding, stifling, unsatisfying and often unequal." You may be in an unhealthy friendship if:
- You are constantly complaining about your friend.
- She degrades you, calls you names or puts you in compromising positions.
- You feel trapped or smothered.
- She seems to be involved in every aspect of your life.
- She is constantly unhappy
If you are in a toxic relationship, end it.
Rule #5: When Friendship Ends
People change. In What Did I Do Wrong? When Women Don't Tell Each Other the Friendship is Over (Free Press 2006) Liz Pryor writes that when female friendships grow apart women just let them fade.
Be honest with your friend. If the friendship isn't working out because someone moved, had kids, or has unacceptable beliefs or behaviors, tell them. If you just need a friendship break, say so. If it is permanent, say that too.
However you end it, be respectful. After all, she was once a good friend.
Quality Friendships Can Last a Lifetime
Keeping your gal pals doesn't have to be hard. Showing respect for your girlfriends by making their friendship your priority is a start. There is no key to female friendships. Friendships with your gal pals take effort. Making a pact to discuss and follow these friendship rules is one way to a lifelong friendship.
